Pain
by animegurl6
Summary: One of the main guys is depressed... really depressed and thinking of how pathetic his life is... and contemplates suicide... rated R just in case


Me: I'm sorry. I didn't want to post another chappie under my dare fic. so I did this one. Hentai Muse: Any particular reason why you did this?  
  
Me: Um. because I felt like it?  
  
WARNINGS: Wow. haven't had one of those in a while. very angst-y and suicidal thoughts. don't like then go read some Kurama/Hiei fluff. not by me of course because I am stuck on those ideas. Oh and I'll give a plushie of your fave character out in my next chappie of the dares fic if you get who this is. I SPELLED IT OUT FOR YOU!!! Well. practically anyway.  
  
Storie:  
  
I hate myself. I just do. I mean, why shouldn't I hate myself, after all, everyone else hates me.  
  
They smile at me out of pity. pity from my ugliness and weakness.  
  
I've tried to change my physical appearance, I mean I've experimented with clothing and I've trained for days on end.  
  
But it just isn't good enough for them.  
  
Each one of them judges me. even Yukina.  
  
I know that Shizuru has wanted to buzz my hair off some days. Botan and Keiko too.  
  
Yukina. I don't know, I am just at a loss of words about what she would say and do.  
  
Yusuke could care less about my hair, as does Kurama. but Hiei. he just hates everything about me.  
  
He hates my hair, my eyes, my face, my personality, my body, my fighting techniques. the list could go on forever.  
  
I've always wondered why he hates me like he does. could it possibly be that his hatred sprung from jealousy? Yeah, right.  
  
I don't know. I just don't know.  
  
I only know that everyone takes me as the weakest member of our foursome, and I am constantly reminded of that detail.  
  
'Stay behind and get any leftover minions. You can't handle the big guy. You're a weak, baka ningen.'  
  
Kurama has said the first quote, Yusuke the second and Hiei. well, I think you can figure out his quote.  
  
They think I'm weak, a weak little pathetic baby that can't handle getting rid of his opponents. yeah, that's right, I haven't killed anyone.  
  
Not a single demon.  
  
Not in the Dark Tournament against the kid with the yo-yo's. or the guy who did that trick with the rocks. or that show-off Shishiwakamaru and his team captain, that old man who humiliated me in front of millions of demons by causing me to lose by the same technique. twice in the semi-finals. and then there's the Toguro brothers.  
  
I thought I had killed the younger of the two. wrong.  
  
Then I thought I had killed the elder one during the finals. wrong yet again.  
  
Damn them! Damn them for mocking me! That bastard of a runt, may he be enjoying that trick Kurama played on him.  
  
. How weak of me, having someone else take revenge on one of my enemies. how sad.  
  
But then again, I am nothing, no better than. than. than dog crap! Wait. no, dog crap can be used by plants to get minerals and vitamins. damn it, wrong again for the - is it two or three? - Billionth time in my feeble excuse of an existence.  
  
Maybe I should cut myself deeper this time, until my wrist bones show and I bleed everywhere, letting people know that I was here.  
  
One of the few things I find an escape in. other than flirting with Yukina but I know, deep in my heart, that it can never amount to anything more then an annoying infatuation. I might as well hit on Botan again.  
  
When I press the cool metal against my hot skin, I can feel my worries disappear and fly away, like a cute bird.  
  
Whenever I cut myself, I always make more scratches up and down my arms, so that it looks like I was simply beaten up and dragged through glass and broken beer bottles.  
  
Pretty convincing story, given my previous fighting records. and nobody's questioned it. Not a single one of them. Shows how much they care, no?  
  
At least that's one thing I've seem to have acquired a skill at. lying and acting.  
  
I lie constantly about anything. when I come home from a drinking frenzy, I'll wait an hour or two before going into my home and tell Shizuru that the reason why I look so horrible is because a training session with Yusuke took a turn for the worst.  
  
And she lets me go into my room without putting up an argument. Sometimes I wonder if she suspects? Oh well, does it matter anymore? After I'm done pouring out my thoughts, I'm just gonna go have a little tour of my new home. after I see Koenma and Botan one last time, of course.  
  
Of course there will be a funeral, though I'm not quite sure how many people or beings are going to be there because they wanted to.  
  
Probably nobody.  
  
Shizuru would do the final little speech and bullshit her way through it, wearing the itchy-looking black dress that she got from Mom. I wonder if I'm gonna see her wherever I'm going?  
  
I bet Keiko and Botan would be there, in according clothing, crying because they would be given that particular job for the funeral.  
  
Yusuke. I don't know if he would come. probably not, for he'd be too busy fighting some new demon. likewise with Hiei.  
  
Kurama would come to uphold his image. Nothing more, nothing less.  
  
I guess Koenma and George would come. how would I know?  
  
And Yukina? No, she wouldn't come, much less shed a single tear over my death, for she doesn't care about me. in any way shape or form.  
  
Nobody at school would notice my death, much less care, for they have better things to worry about. you know, like grades, screwing someone, drugs, smoking, etc.  
  
Wow. it's already ten minutes until midnight. I should stop writing and well. you know, before I chicken out and be called the yellow-bellied bastard. oh yeah, I've heard that name before, along with many other more interesting and colorful names. and my heart broke every time I was called one nasty name, just so whoever reads this is clear about that.  
  
Goodbye.  
  
Author Notes:  
  
I've been posting one-shots only lately, just so ya'll are clear about that. and no, I didn't like writing this fic. review if you want me to ever update again.  
  
Angel Muse: They won't update.  
  
Me: SHUT UP!!! *kills muse for the thirteenth time cause someone asked that and I already have enough muses* And the next one shot will be a couple pairing, sorry about getting off track about that.. And if anyone wants another fic like this, where someone's thinking about their life, just ask. 


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